


Take Deep Breaths and Go on Walks

by orphan_account



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: #ohfrickyoufoundmyfics, Family Issues, Fluff and Angst, Gay, M/M, Sibling Fluff, Sibling Rivalry, Suicidal Thoughts, Tree Bros, Tree Climbing, Why Did I Write This?, evan is a cinnamon roll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 02:29:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13649562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: There's chaos at the Murphy house again, and Connor knows he must escape the storm, however, the only option to get away is going into the park forest, where little anxious Evan is bound to be. . . (my first fanfic crap this summary sucks, see end for notes)





	Take Deep Breaths and Go on Walks

Connor twisted his wrist, drawing the door towards him before it snapped in place aggressively with a last-laugh-sort-of sharp bark from the metal hinges.  
Muffled shouts were smuggled behind the door while Connor scrounged his view for something to annihilate. Something, anything that would crumble between his fingers if he gave it a simple pinch. Then, it would drip between his fingers and stain his palms like blood.  
Going out of the back door, all he saw was a pathway to a ‘stupid’ forest.  
No! Connor thought, reaching back to scrape his edged black nails on his house. They screeched lightly as they blistered into shards, leaving little cuts on his fingertips. Not the (bleep) forest! I’m angry, am I not? The last thing I need is some (bleep) trees or Evan, who’s probably in there somewhere.  
Connor’s limp dark brown hair draped over an eye, leaving only a single bonfire visible to anyone else. You could only stare into one eye and feel his pain.  
Over his heavy breathing, Connor heard cars behind him on the other side of the house, strolling along neutrally as if Connor was not working up a storm cloud on his backyard patio. Cars meant more people. People meant more stress.  
Connor disappeared below the darkness.  
He wasn’t going into the streets, and there was no chance he’d go back inside the house. Not back with those unfamiliar beasts. He stared beyond into the pathway that was rolled out before him, peaceful in all the ways he knew he’d never be. Tree branches splayed out in his direction, straining to reach out to him, and pull him into their embrace.  
Sighing, he gazed downwards, clutching the leather strap to his satchel in his right hand. Where else was he supposed to go?  
Whatever.

Dawn was thick in the air. It was fairly bright in the sky, though a cloudy pink surrounded the lightest area of sky, fading into pale violets, and blue. The trail became more compact with trees as Connor walked further. Pine and heather scents were inhaled by Connor as he felt heated summer air cuddle his skin.  
Connor sat down on his knees, seeing as he was surrounded by forest, deep in the woods. The trails were now skinny and broken, and he wasn’t quite prone to find his way home easily. But maybe that was a good thing to him.  
Hearing a bird twitter, and various rustles of leaves, Connor eyed the canopy of the trees to his left, looking for any sign of a blue shirt or that really cute blonde hair. . .  
Or something. Whatever.  
Connor stopped on the path, getting down to his knees to reach into his satchel’s pouch. Pulling the bag to him, as it shifted over his shoulder, he rummaged through the pouch, grasping a black notebook and a blue pen from under several match boxes. His hair draped lightly from his head as he embraced a small whiff of a drug scent, only to be disrupted by a sharp edge skimming his finger tips.  
Drawing back and wincing, Connor felt a soft “(bleep)” slip from his mouth, flipping his hand over to reveal his bleeding fingers. Fearlessly, he snatched the first object he could when he jutted his hand back into the abyss of his bag.  
Pulling back, he found his fingers on a handle, despite bleeding, and a silver edge glistened, shooting rays of the eclipsing light into Connor’s eyes.  
An innervation surged under his skin, just imagining the damage of a single knife. He gripped it tighter and retrieved it from the bag. Now, it was clearly visible in the dawn light, flashing sparks around the woods. Connor pulled it closer to himself. . .  
Thwack! An acorn skidded to stop in Connor’s tangled hair.  
“What the (bleep)!?” Connor ripped the oversized seeds from his hair, chucking it fiercely through the undergrowth. Jerking his h to head up, Connor scrutinized the treetops for that scrawny little Evan Hansen, because boy, would he be dead soon. A stillness quelled the scene as Connor found there was no one in view. “Great. I just got (bleep) off from a tree.”  
Connor thrusted the knife into his satchel, a if defeating an enemy on the inside, spearing a slight hole through the pouch. Connor drew back his hand, bracing his dark nails before ramming them into his arm, grazing his skin. He winced, begging himself to believe he deserved the pain.  
Thwack!  
“EVAN!”  
The silence was intimidating.

Now, what to do with a notebook in the woods. . .  
Draw?  
Connor was arched up against a sleek stone between some oaks, staring blankly at paper in the notebook, as it ruefully stared back the same way. Putting the pen to the paper, he scribbled few lines of an outline for a tree. Filling it in, it still looked empty. Kind of like some sort of uninhabited amusement park. And Connor couldn’t bare being any more abandoned than he already was.  
A guilty feeling flushed blood to his face as he sketched a quirky but happy boy in the trees.She top of the page he wrote, “reasons a tree is your best friend.”

Tree doesn’t really make opinions. Ze also isn’t satisfied when given positive opinions on zirself.

A fragment of light disappeared over the hill, a squirrel scuttled on a thin branch above Connor, flowing it’s bushy tail. Connor narrowed his eyes weakly and felt a chill wither up his spine. Connor sighed.

2.) Trees is always beckoning to offer something. Ze reaches out to you, always, ze always makes you feel wanted, or appreciated. Ze’s calm enough to relax you, and likes to offer shade.

A small silhouette was outlined to Connor’s right, rustling trees like a bristling wolf, and still. It was clearly a person. And no one else weirdly climbs trees in the middle of nowhere. Grunting, Connor looked back down with disdain at his notebook.

3.) Ze is very patient, and never unloving.  
4.) Tree brings us natural gifts everyday.

Connor was awaken from a state of chill when a vibration struck him, and began rutting against his jeans in his pocket. Bewildered, he struck his phone from hip pocket, feasting his eyes upon an incoming call from Zoe.  
A dark remorse clouded his mind. He could feel his breath quicken, and within seconds, he was upright,splintering his fists upon the tree, blood painting the bark.  
While his winces and shrieks were in store, a violent sound of the leaves rippled, and a weak voice produced a sharp, “Stop!”  
Whipping to face the last light, and the aspen tree, Connor saw Evan’s razed expression. “Please don’t Connor, you’re hurting yourself, and zim, please.”  
Connor glared, his gaze full of grit yet dark, and he stormed back towards the path home. The wind weaved in his hair defiantly as he continued leaving behind Evan in the trees, and leaving replies to Evan’s pleads absent. Nothing could turn his mind from leaving.  
Thwack! Night.

A feeling was aroused in Connor’s head, writhing in his mind, and as his eyes fluttered Connor glimpsed the bright sky surrounded with dark wood and puke green leaves, swaying as if dancing.  
Connor groaned,pushing himself up, and as his eyes widened, he found a pale yellow scenery surround him, even being deeply into the forest. His scarred left hand gripped his satchel, and he brushed leaves, dirt, and acorns of his black sweatshirt with the other.  
That’s it.  
It was morning.

Stupid trees, stupid walk, and (bleep) stupid Evan. Connor thought, fast-walking in a very shady way down the gravel path, recognizing where he even was as the path grew wider. I should have never even-  
“Hey!” a small voice squeaked, high above Connor.  
A cloud of sighs burst.  
Connor stepped slowly forward again, a breeze whisking his hair around. More leaf rustles were above him, and a cracking branch surprisingly stood its ground as a smaller boy swung backwards from its support, shocking Connor as he swung in front of his face, his short dirty blonde hair swaying as well, and as he stilled, bright green eyes opened, and a warm smile rested in the curves of his lips.  
Evan Hansen.  
Awkwardly, Evan was rather close to Connor. Like, his face was.  
“Evan, I have to-”  
“Just wait! I brought you a present!” Evan reached up into his pocket, while his blue striped shirt slipped down.  
Snorting in disgust, Connor retorted, “It’d better be good enough to make up for- umm, I dunno. . . KNOCKING ME UNCONSCIOUS WITH A (BLEEP) ACORN!?!?”  
Evan sighed guiltily. He lowered his gaze as he handed Connor a ravaged leaf. What the crap is this supposed to be?  
Connor was about to smack Evan out of the way in the face before he realized that Evan had torn the edges to look like it was in the shape of a heart.  
“A heart leaf? Are you serious? That is so-” Connor stared at the little shard of a tree, his black nails swift over the surface.  
Evan looked away in shame, tearing up a little.  
“Cute.” Connor admitted. The world got a little brighter. Connor smiled lightly, and that was enough to make Evan happy. “Or something. Thanks.”  
Evan rocked back to push into Connor as their noses touched playfully. Evan chuckled, tilting his head, before Connor pressed further towards him, landing a kiss on his lips. Naturally, yet awkwardly, Connor felt his hand finger through Evan’s hair, and his tongue slip on Evan’s lower lip.  
Connor pulled away, shivering as if he were cold for an excuse to flip his hoodie up. Then Evan wouldn’t see his flustered expression. Evan looked a little red himself, but maybe that was just because we was still hanging upside down.  
A bird tweeted cheerily, livening the mood.  
Connor refocused without strife. “I need to head home.”  
Evan gave a puppy face, then reported, “It’s like 5am, though.”  
Connor grasped his phone. “I-”  
“Please? Sleep a little longer. It’s good for you.” Evan pleaded, his hand holding Connor’s sweatshirt.  
“Okay. . . I guess.”  
Hidden in the ferns below some honeysuckle bushes, Connor laid on his back, Evan silently snuggled on top of Connor, flooding some warmth into Connor.  
A screen light flashed as Connor unlocked his phone.  
Thirteen unread messages.

AnnoyingLittleSister: connor dad is really mad at you you need to come home  
AnnoyingLittleSister: please  
AnnoyingLittleSister: they want me to find you but i don’t know where you’d be  
AnnoyingLittleSister: connor it's getting late  
AnnoyingLittleSister: you’d better get your (bleep) over here  
AnnoyingLittleSister: plz  
AnnoyingLittleSister: mom is worrying  
AnnoyingLittleSister: ill give you my stupid nail polish come on, i don’t use it anyway  
AnnoyingLittleSister: ill do your chores for a week please  
AnnoyingLittleSister: you won’t even see me for a month, i promise  
AnnoyingLittleSister: please just come back as much as i don’t want you to  
AnnoyingLittleSister: you can kill me for real this time, i promise, plz Connor, you’re keeping me up, and it’s like 1am  
Tears burnt Connors cheeks and singed his eyelashes. He quickly picked up his broken pieces.  
He replied; im coming home, i promise, im fine  
He typed “i love you, you’re okay,” but feeling a hollow moth in his stomach, he erased it. Maybe just a “you’re okay?” No, he tried again, desperate for something to say. He stumbled and couldn’t find the words. It felt like reaching for something to hold onto, then losing your grip again, falling endlessly and fatally. He wobbled precariously on a “im sorry,” then erased it once again. Of course she wouldn’t believe that. Instead, he simply put, “thanks,” not daring to step into the waters of “I appreciate you,” or something like that. That was enough.  
Trying not to disrupt Evan, Connor picked up the notebook and pen as Evan shifted to be more snug on Connor’s chest.

5.) Evan is likely in the trees when you visit them.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Yo, Peeps! Tell me what you thought if you actually read this! If you're not familiar with non-binary concepts, then it's basically someone who's gender identity is beyond gender, so neither male or female; that's where the ze, zer, zim pronouns are from. If the homosexuality bothers you, then you may want to avoid my fanfics. If you're havin' a sucky day, take a walk! Bye! :)


End file.
